Conversations at the Crossroads.

You’ve Already Won

When we find ourselves in the midst of a struggle, or on a long and difficult road towards something we desire, we have a tendency to adopt a win-lose mindset. The voices in our heads assert something to the effect of:

If I get what I want, I WIN.


If I don’t get what I want, I LOSE.

It is our nature, it seems, to identify and internalize these oppositions:

win / lose
good / bad
right / wrong
black / white

So much of what happens in life is perceived and processed this way. We anticipate only two options, outcomes or judgments and, in doing so, we fail to see the full spectrum of possibilities. We also fail to recognize that these are constructs and limitations that we ourselves are creating.

What might change if we were to consciously choose a new belief system—for example, one that consistently allows for shades of gray? What would be different if we were to repeatedly remind ourselves that there are more than just two viewpoints, more than just two options or paths?

And here’s a really big question:

How different would your life and circumstances feel if you adopted the belief that you’ve already won?

Seriously. Consider this for a minute and try it on for size:

I “won” the day I was born. What has followed has been the prize:
Life is the win.
Experience is the win.
Every day that I get to “be”—yes, to exist! to live!—that’s the win.

There is no losing when I’ve already won.

This is a big idea, certainly. A bold suggestion for a new belief. It’s a tough one to hold onto, perhaps, when circumstances feel particularly challenging or painful. At times we are absolutely certain we are “losing.” When we can hold onto this belief, though, it’s a game-changer.

If there were no possibility of losing, what is the likelihood that “playing” would be more meaningful and even more enjoyable?

Remember the last time you did something just for the pleasure of it, wandered somewhere just for the journey, without stressing the outcome or endpoint. How was that experience? What would it take to let go of your win-lose mindset and experience liberation again?

It’s something to think about this week.

With support and encouragement for your journey,

Founder, The Crossroads Coach

Published August 14, 2013